Brian this piece spoke to me. You have articulated something I grapple with in progressive spaces - the same binary way of thinking as those on the right, and a focus on what we are against, rather than also looking to what we are FOR.
I will share a bit of how this is looking for me these days: I am trying in the space in which I work (organizational level) to work with folks on what respect looks and feels like. Traditional sexual harassment/respect in workplace trainings and even to some extent DEIB work these days (the spaces in which I work) focus on bystander approaches on how to interrupt disrespectful or problematic behaviour , and compliance approaches focus on what NOT to do. While these approaches are important, what is often missing is developing the relational muscles to build positive, consensual and respectful interactions at work, as opposed to just interrupting behaviour, or learning what not to do. I have been working with ways to help folks build those muscles - which is trauma-informed, incorporates inspiration from non-violent communication.
Hearing you grapple with some of the same issues, and articulating them, on a more meta level was so ahhh for me when I read it! Thank you for these words. I also feel less alone in progressive spaces grappling with these questions now. Happy to follow this work, and also share a little more on what I am up to, see here, and a few articles that may resonate or be of interest here.
1) The first is me grappling with this concept of belonging vis a vis the narratives that are prominent in DEI and organizational equity work these days:
Belonging or loss of belonging is used as a form of punishment, a threat, and it is a real threat to our individual existence to be ostracized. Religion relies on building community belonging and threats if you do not comply. Workplaces, similar. Politics, similar. In a way, what those with privilege are so afraid of is that if others are allowed, they won't belong anymore - even though that belonging is shallow and doesn't support real human connection or intimacy (i.e., "Jews will not replace us." etc.) People stay in awful situations to belong somewhere. So I agree around the goals, but we'll have to wrestle with what belonging really means. We need to define the belonging we want and create that, or we will keep having to deal with Pepsi Generation, Democrat or card-carrying member of the NRA "belonging" (or whatever group identity). How do we belong in diversity? Without exclusivity and power-over? It is the revolution we need: to evolve to remember our belonging as beings of the earth.
Personally, I don't know what it's like to really belong. It is what I've hoped for. But the hierarchies blow it up every time. And they do that no matter how you identify. Patriarchy is a system, and people of all identities get nailed by it. White supremacy is a system, and people of all identities get nailed by it.
The thing I want to know is when are men of all races going to stop thinking of rape, sexual harassment, and domestic violence as one of their privileges. To do those things should be as taboo as cannibalism, but it's unwritten into the playbook. "Grab 'em by the pussy..." and all that. When a person can think of another person as an object they have the privilege to use, they have lost their humanity. And they get their sense of belonging from being in the group of power-over people, whether any others in that group would ever even speak to them or not. It's like a pseudo-belonging.
Thanks for a great piece. Much exploring of unseen "lands" ahead of us.
I wonder what it is that gets people to the willingness...
Something else to explore: Why do we call our stuff "belongings?"
Gah this was good. It pulls at me to wish I were back in the states doing street listening again. It pains me, now that the pandemic is over, that I am living abroad in a country where you need a license to sit and listen to strangers in public.
Second, I shared this with some liberal folks - and I got subtly shamed. "No white people need to listen to Brown and Black folks."
Yes and ... bummed me out.
Great research and sourcing of info. I hope you will take this whole article, add in a bunch of stories, and write a book with this outline.
This is a magnificent presentation, Brian. I found myself disagreeing with just one point: "(I have my critiques of the Democratic Party, but at least it believes in democracy)" -- No, that Party believes in and supports corporate rule, just as our traitorous Supreme Court does. Only with the personal and collective empowerment of belonging (and gracious contributing) will we rise to true democracy.
Excellent piece Brian!!
Brian this piece spoke to me. You have articulated something I grapple with in progressive spaces - the same binary way of thinking as those on the right, and a focus on what we are against, rather than also looking to what we are FOR.
I will share a bit of how this is looking for me these days: I am trying in the space in which I work (organizational level) to work with folks on what respect looks and feels like. Traditional sexual harassment/respect in workplace trainings and even to some extent DEIB work these days (the spaces in which I work) focus on bystander approaches on how to interrupt disrespectful or problematic behaviour , and compliance approaches focus on what NOT to do. While these approaches are important, what is often missing is developing the relational muscles to build positive, consensual and respectful interactions at work, as opposed to just interrupting behaviour, or learning what not to do. I have been working with ways to help folks build those muscles - which is trauma-informed, incorporates inspiration from non-violent communication.
Hearing you grapple with some of the same issues, and articulating them, on a more meta level was so ahhh for me when I read it! Thank you for these words. I also feel less alone in progressive spaces grappling with these questions now. Happy to follow this work, and also share a little more on what I am up to, see here, and a few articles that may resonate or be of interest here.
1) The first is me grappling with this concept of belonging vis a vis the narratives that are prominent in DEI and organizational equity work these days:
https://algconsulting.ca/belonging/
2) Trauma-informed systems are crucial for the new world of work (and indeed for true belonging):
https://algconsulting.ca/trauma-informeddeib/
Cheers from Montreal! Adriana
Incredible, this really spoke to me. Thank you for sharing
Amazing! Thank you for this very human, wise and balanced analysis of what we need right now. Brilliant! Xxx
Belonging or loss of belonging is used as a form of punishment, a threat, and it is a real threat to our individual existence to be ostracized. Religion relies on building community belonging and threats if you do not comply. Workplaces, similar. Politics, similar. In a way, what those with privilege are so afraid of is that if others are allowed, they won't belong anymore - even though that belonging is shallow and doesn't support real human connection or intimacy (i.e., "Jews will not replace us." etc.) People stay in awful situations to belong somewhere. So I agree around the goals, but we'll have to wrestle with what belonging really means. We need to define the belonging we want and create that, or we will keep having to deal with Pepsi Generation, Democrat or card-carrying member of the NRA "belonging" (or whatever group identity). How do we belong in diversity? Without exclusivity and power-over? It is the revolution we need: to evolve to remember our belonging as beings of the earth.
Personally, I don't know what it's like to really belong. It is what I've hoped for. But the hierarchies blow it up every time. And they do that no matter how you identify. Patriarchy is a system, and people of all identities get nailed by it. White supremacy is a system, and people of all identities get nailed by it.
The thing I want to know is when are men of all races going to stop thinking of rape, sexual harassment, and domestic violence as one of their privileges. To do those things should be as taboo as cannibalism, but it's unwritten into the playbook. "Grab 'em by the pussy..." and all that. When a person can think of another person as an object they have the privilege to use, they have lost their humanity. And they get their sense of belonging from being in the group of power-over people, whether any others in that group would ever even speak to them or not. It's like a pseudo-belonging.
Thanks for a great piece. Much exploring of unseen "lands" ahead of us.
I wonder what it is that gets people to the willingness...
Something else to explore: Why do we call our stuff "belongings?"
This is very well articulated and written. Nice work and I wish you success on your (our) journey. Cheers, James
Gah this was good. It pulls at me to wish I were back in the states doing street listening again. It pains me, now that the pandemic is over, that I am living abroad in a country where you need a license to sit and listen to strangers in public.
Second, I shared this with some liberal folks - and I got subtly shamed. "No white people need to listen to Brown and Black folks."
Yes and ... bummed me out.
Great research and sourcing of info. I hope you will take this whole article, add in a bunch of stories, and write a book with this outline.
This is a magnificent presentation, Brian. I found myself disagreeing with just one point: "(I have my critiques of the Democratic Party, but at least it believes in democracy)" -- No, that Party believes in and supports corporate rule, just as our traitorous Supreme Court does. Only with the personal and collective empowerment of belonging (and gracious contributing) will we rise to true democracy.
Seems like we're deeply in need of the "positive psychology" version of social justice language and mindset.